Pretending and Guilt
by harleenquinzel10
Summary: Hinata wasn't stupid, she was just pretending. Naruto wasn't oblivious but he was guilty. Sakura wasn't okay, she was hiding. Sasuke was simply clinging to the last bit of happiness he knew.


Hinata: Pretending

Hinata wasn't an idiot. She really wasn't. She knew exactly what she was getting herself into when she pursued a relationship with Naruto. She knew that he was not actually in love with her. She knew his heart belonged to another person, another raven-haired beauty. Still, when he held her close and gave her a soft kiss, she could almost pretend. Because pretending was better than nothing.

She pretended she did not see the longing glances her husband sent his long-time rival. She pretended that her husband sleeping in his office nearly every night meant nothing to her. Or that Sakura's looks of shared hurt were not piercing her heart. She really was not an idiot, she was just very good at pretending.

So good at it in fact that when Sasuke returned just before her son's first Chuunin Exam looking for her husband, she did not even let her voice wobble with anger and jealousy towards the man who held her love's heart so firmly in his grasp. She knew, of course, that the Uchiha's return meant her husband would be around even less than he already was. Knew that when he did return to their home she would pretend those were not love bites on the tanned neck or that his lopsided grin would once again reach his eyes.

She could only hope that Sakura stayed away this time. The medic-nin's attempts to find strength in their shared misery only made it harder for her to pretend. And she had to pretend. She had to pretend for Boruto's sake, he did not need another reason to hate his father. She had to pretend for Himiwari's sake, she could not shatter the hero-worship in her daughter's eyes when her father was around. Hinata had found her solace in being a mother, watching the attributes that she adored of her first love blossom in their shared children.

Hinata should blame Naruto. She should be angry with him. Scream at him, rage at him, leave him with their children and never look back. Still… she could not bring herself to do so. It was not Naruto's fault that the village expected children from him, what with his Uzumaki blood, his strength.

The village had lost too many strong shinobi during the war. They needed to know the next generation would come from strong bloodlines. The same expectation was placed on most of her peers, herself included. With Neji dead and Hanabi too young to have children at the time, the duty of providing Hyuuga children fell to her. Sasuke was in the same predicament as her, so she could not truly hate him either. The council did not want to lose the Byakugan or Sharingan.The old men and women of the council were clinging to the unique bloodlines of the village with reignited vigor. They wanted to use their children to proclaim they still held the coveted blood of Uchiha and Hyuuga.

They wanted to see the continuation of the Ino-Shika-Cho combination and the fine chakra control that Sakura had made her own. From the moment the war ended the council had pushed all of them to pursue heterosexual romantic relationships. The brave few homosexual couples were quickly shunned as they were hindering the village's campaign towards a brighter future. And so what could her poor Naruto do? Her golden-haired love who craved acceptance from the villagers after a lonely childhood. He simply looked at Sasuke as he left on his spiritual journey instead of running after him like he so obviously craved to do.

So, he married Hinata. It fulfilled the greatest hopes of the aging council: the extraordinary chakra of Uzumaki and the unparalleled eyes of the Hyugga combined. And then with the push from the demanding village, Sasuke produced an heir to ensure the continuation of both doujutsu of Konoha. The village's hunger was satiated and so Naruto and Sasuke were free to do more than glance longingly at one another again.

She and Naruto were happy for the most part but their nights were never filled with passion, just soft sighs and quiet finishes. No fireworks for Hinata, just a silence filled crest over the hill. If nothing else told her that her husband's heart belonged to another, it was that her normally loud and boisterous beloved was so uncharacteristically quiet as her bed partner.

Hinata knew the moment Naruto first kissed her that she would be the mother of his children but never the love of his life. But her father had drilled into her that duty towards the village and her clan was important so she swallowed her heartbreak and began her life of pretending.

Naruto: Guilty

Naruto had not meant to hurt Hinata, he truly hadn't. People called him oblivious but he was not ignorant of the hurtful knowing in his wife's eyes. She knew that his heart belonged not to her but the man he had chased to the ends of the world. The village had pushed them together. It created the perfect love story after all. The loud mouth hero marries the quiet, reserved heiress who had always loved him. The poetry of it was almost sickening.

It didn't change how he felt for Sasuke though and he, for the first time in his self-sacrificing life, chose to be selfish. He could not let his raven-haired best friend go. He couldn't escape the feeling of being complete when he and Sasuke moved together as one. He could never let go of the feeling of acceptance he could only truly gain when encompassed in the embrace of his childhood rival.

He does love his children but simply does not know how to be a father to them. The idea of family is so incomprehensible to him. His only experiences with his parents had been overshadowed by the joy of actually knowing who they were at last and the growing life and death drama of war. The words his mother spoke to him as she hovered over him dying, while thoughtful and important, did not aid in raising two children. Hinata made sure they ate their fruits and vegetables, they were the children of the Hokage so gaining friends was not difficult for them, and Ero-Sennin was long dead before they were born. He was not around to attempt to corrupt them in the ways of perversion. Naruto was at a loss of how he could be a father to them beyond making sure they would never know the horrors of war as he had.

Sometimes, Naruto wishes Hinata would call him out on his infidelity, his betrayal of her trust. Instead, she just bears it all with the grace born of her life as the heiress to an ancient clan. She smiles through it all as if it doesn't matter to her that when he makes love to her Naruto is thinking of a different raven-haired beauty, one with a hard lined body, not her supple curves. Rather, she gives him her soft smile that only highlights her beauty, accepts his quick kiss on her cheek as he races out the door in the morning and doesn't lecture him on coming home. She defends him when Boruto rants about his shitty parenting, even though Naruto is sure she agrees with her son.

So as he lies next to a sleeping Sasuke, Naruto feels it. His guilt. The guilt of not only betraying his wife, but his former teammate who has only ever yearned for Sasuke's love and acknowledgement. Even though he knows that Sasuke's lack of commitment towards Sakura is the Uchiha's issue and not his own, he still feels the sting of guilt at participating in their joint betrayal. He's seen Sakura's eyes and he knows she will never hate him for what he's done, because just like Hinata, Sakura knew that her two ex-teammates would never be able to walk away from each other. Hinata and Sakura may have known, yet Naruto and Sasuke will always be guilty. Instead of ignoring their villages demands, they gave in and doomed the two women to lives of ignoring and pretending.

Naruto may feel the sharp sting of guilt, but when he hears the soft sigh of Sasuke next to him, the blonde knows he could never change the outcome of his life.


End file.
